HOW TO INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE A SARDAR G :

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his
mind.

* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

* tries to drown a fish in waters.

* thinks socialism means partying.

* trips over a cordless phone.

* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he
puts"Sagittarius."

* studies for a blood test and fails.

* sells the car for gas money.

* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport
left", he turns around and goes home.

* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"


* *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

* *
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
* *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

* *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over
his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
* *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
* *
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* *
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
* *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
* *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
* *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
* *
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
* *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* *
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
* *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
* *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
* *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

SARDAR'S BMW
BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.
Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was driving back to
home very happily. On the way the car broke down. Sardarji came out
of the car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem.
Immediately began to sweat. By that time Sardar Gani Singh came by that
way
and saw our sardarji, totally confused and sweating, trying to search
something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter.

Hari Singh: "The BMW people made me fool. They have given me
the Car without the engine."

Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of my
BMW.You can take that."


TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day
for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.

"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."


SPARE BOMB

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian
Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them
in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh
asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says
"Don't worry.
I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

COUNT THE CHICKEN

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a
country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his
shoulder."Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.

"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"


ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up
and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man,
"Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover
and yelling '86, 86,86'?"
The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to
know, I
can let you go under there and find out.
He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and
he says, "Okay."
The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and
the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on
it
yelling
"87, 87, 87"...



EMPLOYMENT?

BIODATA
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to

the column Mother tongue : Pink.
Sex : Preferably thrice a week.
Male/Female : Preferably Female
Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be
filled there. After much thought he wrote :Yes

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents
and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing
the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs
his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He
tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he

gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not
for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now
starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After
sometime he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So

he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,guoooonnnnn."

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed
to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a
bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta
Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with

both
hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's
goin' on?Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.
He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as
soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat
which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came
and
requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji
told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The
old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came
and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was
adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst
capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came.

He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the
sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst.capt. asked the capt.
what he told to the sardarji. Capt. replied:"nothing.I just told him
that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to
jalandhar."

SARDAR THIEF
Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his
belongings.By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house
door open.A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh
found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him!
"When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta
was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh
jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and
reported the matter.
"What did you do to the thief"?
"I tied his hands; you come and collect him".
"I hope you tied his legs too".
Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten
about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said,
"Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there".
"How do you know"?
"Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".

KHALISTAN JOKES

Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.

PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search
of a subject on which no one did any research before!
As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table
in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table and
said:"Run". The roach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said:"Run". The roach ran.
He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said:"Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried
to run even when it had just one leg.
He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of
the table and said: "Run".The roach could not!
Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing
his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot
hear anymore".

COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a
Pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally
a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him
killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

LONG FLIGHT
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to
Amritsar?"
" Just a sec," comes an answer
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.